Time for some R&R

3. How do you relax?

Being someone who lives with anxiety, this questions is not as straight forward as it sounds. For some people, to "relax" may mean reading a book, or having a spa bath, getting a relaxing massage or watching a movie at home. For myself however, relaxation is more of a tool I use to help me manage my anxiety symptoms. I find that relaxation and anxiety have a very ying-yang relationship and go hand in hand together. Therefore I have spent years learning how to cope with my anxiety by learning how to relax and calm down during times of excessive stress.

My relaxation requirements vary and heavily depends on how much anxiety I am feeling at any given time. It works something a little like this:

I tend to rate my anxiety on a range of 0-10

0 = no anxiety (although a 0 is EXTREMELY rare).

1-3 = a heightened level of alert (this is where I am on the spectrum the majority of my time)

4-6 = feeling uncomfortable.

7-9 = high levels of stress.

10= complete panic attack episode (which can include any one or number of the following: hyperventilating, shakes, crying, freezing or staying put in one place, blacking out and/or vomiting).

So in turn, depending on where I rate my anxiety depends on what relaxation activity I have learnt is best for me to partake in:

0 = Because at this end of the spectrum I am anxiety free, relaxation activities tend to be more of what is perhaps considered "the norm" - spa baths, meditation and massages are perfect during this phase to relax (because I already am relaxed) and help to just enhance the feel-good state I am currently in.

1-3 = During this rating I feel like I am in a constant state of anticipation. Unfortunately a lot of my anxiety is caused by stress surrounding social interactions and while I refuse to let my anxiety define and control me (by turning into a hermit and avoiding other humans), it means this rating is where I tend to just predominantly live my life. When I am in this range my "relaxation" time is a little more active and often sees me partaking in light exercises - walking/jogging, yoga and pilates I find are good to help me work off the excess energy caused by the heightened state of anticipation. This level of anxiety I wouldn't label bad anxiety and can sometimes help motivate me to stay active and work hard. It does however become tiresome after a while as I feel like I have no "off" button.

4-6 = When I am feeling quite uncomfortable and anxious I find relaxation quite difficult as I cannot calm my mind enough to just "let go" - during this range I am well into overthinking and second guessing everything while doubting myself. The best outlet to help me relax is to start communicating how I feel through writing, drawing and other creative expressions. This stage in particular is when I have learnt is best for me to start seeking help to process how I am feeling by going to talk to a psychologist - this use to be a very stressful experience as it can be hard opening up to someone, but once I found the right person to confide in, I actually find seeing my therapist a relaxing and comforting experience. It is important I do start seeking help during this range as the higher my anxiety level goes, the less likely I tend to be to reach out for help.

7-9 = I tend to reach this point when I have multiple stresses weighing down on me and I feel I can no longer handle it (keeping in mind - everyone has different stressors - I get more anxious over large or multiple social events in a short period of time, then I am sitting an exam for uni). It is around here that my depression also tends to show and (unfortunately) this is also when I am least likely to seek help as I tend to shut down and start pushing everyone away. My anxiety is in overdrive and all I want is to be alone and have space from other people, space from my responsibilities, even space from my own thoughts. I try hard to focus on clearing my head and recharging my batteries, which usually results in me spending a lot of time in bed sleeping or mindlessly watching TV. I generally always need help from a professional during this time. I find it hard to dig my way out of my own black hole of isolation that I place myself in, in an attempt to minimize my feelings of anxiety and my depressive thoughts.

10 = My only focus at this point is to breath... just breath. It may sound so simple, but a simple task is never so difficult as it is when you are amid a panic attack. I always seek professional help after any panic attack as well to help me identify the cause of it and ways that I can avoid it happening again in the future.

I know everyone is different, and even others that experience anxiety would not necessarily deal with it the same way in which I do. Anxiety is a complicated state of living and although I explained this spectrum in increasing stages, I have been known to jump from a 1-3 up to a 10 with very little warning - that is just how it works for me. But I have found that just learning to recognize your own feelings can be empowering enough to help you in processing them which when fighting feelings of anxiety, can be your best weapon to against it.

If you experience anxiety, I highly recommend reaching out to organisations such as BeyondBlue, Reach Out and Mind Spot if you feel you need help.

With Llove